Dot’s Blog Spot
1 Focus on ‘Aisle Time’
Welcome to your wedding day. That’s the opener when you both arrive to the top of the aisle. Perhaps this is the first time you see each other in your wedding finery. Perhaps you arrived together. Perhaps you decided not to have an aisle, or an aisle moment. In any situation, at all, there will always be a start to your wedding day – and that is likely to be at the start of your ceremony.
Recent Feedback to me from a couple was
“We loved having you. From start to finish – we loved it all with you. Thank you for being the key that unlocked the whole day…xo”
…and that, is exactly what I hope I achieve in all ceremonies – the key to unlock the whole day – just as you want it to be.
From the first words I speak to your guests, I am setting forth to create the atmosphere you want for your wedding day. These initial words are likely to be said before the ceremony starts. Good afternoon sets a formal, elegant tone. Hello folks sets a casual and connected tone. Welcome, one and all, short and tall – has a certain whimsy (I’ve never used this last line – I’d love to hear what you think of it!).
When choosing each and every word I prepare, select of on the hoof use, I later reflect on my lovely mum. She instilled in me- a love of words and language. She would NEVER spell a word, always nudging the battered dictionary over to me instead. Sometimes tho, I would get distracted from the word I was looking for to uncovering other, melliferous, erudite, superfluous, archaic… words. Her gift to me of language, of words, of interest and wonder in people have stayed with me.
So when couples want to thank their mums – I listen to them – thoroughly. I hear what they say. And in a wee corner of my mind, I bring Mum, Rusheen, back into focus and remember her with love and gratitude.
2 See the wood and the trees
How beautiful are weddings? They are in that sweet spot of:
- living in the moment
- planning your future
They are a time for celebration, for a get-togethers (a party) and for full-on fun.
Ah but, that packs a punch of stress too. That’s where your friendly, experienced and wise celebrant comes in darn handy. Having worked in Learning and Development for ‘cough number’ of years (3 decades), I have been steeped in the knack of mediating, people and logistic problem solving, or at the very least, reviewing perspectives to soften some of the punches.
In this season alone, I have been there to sooth and smooth various wedding woes. Always, always, the absolute focus is how to stick to the three goals of a wedding – in order of priority:
- the couple get married
- the couple get to enjoy their day
- the guests get to have fun too
Little things sometimes happen,– the wee ‘disasters’ are often a highlight of the day. They ground things as being authentic and, waaaaaay more often than not, tickle everyone into grins and laughter.
3 Traditions
There is a saying – “If she is’nay red…keep her in the shed”. In case you are the uninitiated – this is about Massey Ferguson Tractors not kinda redheaded celebrants.
Weddings have a lot of sayings (like “I DO”), rituals (like exchanging rings), traditions (like walking up an aisle). Here’s the thing, tractors that are not red, are not Massey Fergusons work just as well.
Hooray for Humanist UK – who in 2017 went to court to win the right for a couple ( and all after) to have a non-religious wedding, to be in line with their world, life and personal views, tastes and styles. It was GROUNDBREAKING. Now couples all over Northern Ireland are trail blazing to have their wedding day start of with a wedding ceremony that fits them. It can be as bespoke, alternative, traditional, quirky, elegant, light-hearted, meaningful and heart felt and so on and so on and so on as you want.
Being celebrant for a couple can mean anything from
- simply doing what the couple have already decided
to
- helping the couple uncover, discover and unpick what they all along wanted, but just didn’t know
Yes, commonly rings are still exchanged, aisles are walked up and down.
No, not always. Some arrive together, greet guests at the door, or on the cliff top. Some just arrive with their witnesses and over a wee cuppa or glass, the wedding ceremony is complete.
Yes, couples embrace the option to have their couple story told, in all its wit, glory, romance and humour.
No, not always. Some prefer not to share their tale – in full or at all. Some have a newspaper printed and keep anecdotes for speeches reserving the ceremony for the simplest of ceremonies.
Yes – couples all have vows. These can be simple, traditional style of “I do” or ‘Repeat after me’ or they can be couple written, ghost written. They can be just public vows or they can exchange private vows as well.
No – there aren’t really exceptions. Marriage vows are a contract and they need to be clear.
Yes – the father of the bride (or groom) could ‘give them away’.
No – they do not need to.
Yes – there probably are more weddings with a bride and a groom
No – it doesn’t matter an iota what gender each of you are – love is love.
Yes – it is not common for a wee old doll like me to drive a red Massey Ferguson
No – I don’t rent it out as a wedding car alternative – it is far far too grubby.
Ps – I don’t wear my gardening garb when ‘celebranting’!
